Men, it’s that magical time of year when all women are driven to find a man. Thanksgiving marks what I like to call “opening day” for vagina hunting season. As the season opens, a woman is seeing all of her family again and getting hit with the question, “So, when are you going to find a nice guy?” She is asked this question from her mother, grandmother, and already-married sisters, just like last year. She hoped to escape the question this year, but she didn’t, and because she’s another year older, mom adds something new this time: “Honey, you know you’re not getting any younger.” Her father contributes with a silent look that says, “I really hope you bring a man home for Christmas, because I’m running out of money from helping you pay your rent.”
On the trip home after Thanksgiving dinner, she comforts herself with the delusion that finding a guy will be easy because, unlike in the past, this time she’s really going to try. As soon as she gets home, however, she enters her dark, empty, and lonely apartment and instantly feels the same way inside.
As Christmas gets closer, all she can think about is getting asked that painful question again, “So, when are you going to find a nice guy?” Her biggest problem isn’t her lack of meeting someone, it’s the fact that Norman, the dorky guy in Accounting, won’t leave her alone. This is when she starts downgrading her expectations, as she cries out loud, “Dear god, just give me a normal guy and I’ll be happy.” But it doesn’t happen.
During Christmas, her grandmother says, “You know, I may not live to see next Christmas, but I want to see you happily married before I die.” The pressure to find a man has become ridiculous.
She tells herself that New Year’s Eve is going to be her lucky night to meet a guy. At the strike of midnight, she is alone as she watches other happy couples make out. Right then and there, she makes her New Year’s resolution: She is going to find a man no matter what it takes! On January 1st, with a slight hangover, she’s at the gym putting in an extra 30 minutes on the StairMaster.
She goes all out – new haircut, new clothes, and a strict zero-carb diet. At this point, she’s acting a little crazy, partially because she’s desperate and partially because all the exercise without eating has left her brain without enough calories to think straight. Her mission is simple: She will NOT be alone for Valentine’s Day.
Six weeks later, she spends Valentine’s Day with her cat. She looks great from all the working out and dieting over the past six weeks, but her self-confidence is a negative number. Now, she would even settle for Norman from Accounting, but he hooked up with the new secretary during the company’s New Year’s party, so he’s not even available anymore. Oh well, spring isn’t that far away, and that’s a time for new beginnings, right?
Gentlemen, there are a lot of desperate women out there this time of year. I want you to capitalize on this fact, and this is your plan of attack:
1) You will spend the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve going out in public and talking with every woman who will listen to you. Everyone is friendlier during the holidays, so this becomes an easy task. You’re going to need the practice for Step 2 of the plan.
2) Find three large public New Year’s events, close together, that you can attend. It’s better if you don’t know anyone there because your plan is simple: You will use your new chatting skills to make a woman smile and get her phone number before leaving for the next party. Your goal is to get three phone numbers during the night. If the woman asks why you have to leave all of a sudden, tell her you just got a text message from a long lost friend and you’re going to join his party. If she asks if she can come with you, take her directly home for sex.
3) Meet as many of these women as you can for coffee, and see each of them two more times before February 1st. If you get lucky, that’s nine dates, which is awesome. On February 4th, pick your favorite woman and ask her out for Valentine’s Day. If she says no, you have two backups.
4) Send me an email on February 15th telling me how incredible the sex was.
One last thing… If your response to reading the above plan is, “But I don’t know how to talk to women,” you probably haven’t read all my books yet. In that case, give yourself an early Christmas gift and buy the three books listed at: www.drawkkwast.com/products
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