Imagine for a moment a man standing in front of a judge, asking for a divorce from his wife, but demanding partial custody of her vagina. The judge would look at the man with disgust, horrified that he thinks he’s entitled to sex with her a few times a week even though they are divorced. Consider however that this is no more insane than a woman standing in front of that same judge and expecting money, her ex-husband’s money, in the form of monthly alimony payments.
First, let me say that I’m NOT talking about child support. I believe that the financial support of children should be a burden equally split between both parents. What I am talking about is an ex-wife behaving like a child and thinking she is entitled to her ex-husband’s money. The very fact that the court proceedings will refer to it as “his” money is the only indicator needed to establish who has rights to it. It’s as simple as the money he earned being his, and the money she earned being hers. He works one job and she works another. If they happen to own a company together, how the money gets divided up needs to be written in the operating agreement. Divorce has no bearing on previously earned income. And if she didn’t work while in the marriage, that was her choice. If I had a jobless old college friend sleeping on my couch, why would anyone think I owed him something after kicking him out? Would it make any difference if he was cooking meals, cleaning my bathroom, and feeding my dog while he was there?
The argument for a woman being entitled to a man’s money after divorce is made to “maintain her standard of living.” Any divorced man knows that phrase all too well. It means that he is legally obligated to give her enough money that she can maintain the same lifestyle as when they were married, and the cost of doing so ensures a lower standard of living for him. Here’s my argument:
If she gets the “same standard of living” so should he. He’s entitled to sex… or at least the cost of replacing that sex to maintain the same standard of living.
If I enter into a contract with a company to replace the roof on my house, and they stop working halfway through, that company is legally obligated to finish the roof. If they stop working, they owe me money to pay someone else to get the job done. In the same way, when a woman agrees to marriage, she agrees to sex “till death do they part.” Given no judge is going to grant her ex-husband partial custody of her vagina, but he should be able to sue her for his losses. She should be paying the bill for every date, vacation, or bottle of champagne he shares with any other woman, because that is the cost he incurs to get the sex she had agreed to. And believe me when I say that the biggest factor in a guy’s “standard of living” is whether or not he’s getting laid.
I believe that a sexual relationship must never become a financial relationship. Any woman who disagrees with me and thinks that sex entitles her to money is a prostitute.
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